I have a lot to say and I’m not sure where to start…

Recently, a friend asked me about this guy she had seen on TV — Tyler Henry, the Hollywood Medium. She wanted to know if he was legit, if he does what I do, and what the heck is a medium anyway? Am I channeling dead people? How do I communicate? This opened up a whole conversation that allowed me to attempt to articulate my experiences.

I want to first say that I’m just a medium-level medium. I’m nowhere near as “good” as the ones you see on TV — John Edward, Theresa Caputo, or this sweet angel-guy Tyler (really, he’s angelic, check him out!). They are much more experienced than I am, and they are truly here to serve as mediums between those who have transitioned and those still embodied (I don’t like dead vs living because to me, the “dead” ones are often even more alive than we are!). I’m not here to be a medium. Can I communicate somewhat-well with those who have transitioned? Yes. So technically, I am a “medium” — but it’s not the primary work I’m choosing to do. It’s not even the secondary work. It’s something I can access AS NEEDED for specific people and situations, and for my own growth and understanding. It’s actually something we can all do. I’m here to tell you that YOU can be a medium, too.

But we need to back up a sec, because when I went down the internet rabbit hole to investigate this Tyler Henry for my friend (whose father died not quite two years ago), I found an article accusing him not only of being a fraud, but of actively, intentionally exploiting vulnerable, grieving people. And that is something I want to speak to.

It’s hard to do this work. It’s scary precisely because anyone with half a heart absolutely does not want to exploit someone who is in a vulnerable place, especially someone who is grieving the death of a loved one. It took me YEARS to share any of the messages I received from people who had transitioned because I was so scared of adding pain, of causing hurt. And because this type of communication is not so black-and-white, because it’s a dance of interpreting feelings and images, of asking questions to clarify, of making best-guesses and working with different frequencies and levels of consciousness, I was scared of getting the signals “wrong” and confusing people who were trusting me to be the one link between them and their loved one. It’s a lot of pressure. It’s a very delicate situation. And it’s one that any decent medium is palpably aware of.

I never expect someone to just believe me when I say I communicate with those who are deceased. I don’t want anyone to believe me — I want you to have your own, direct experience of connection with YOUR loved one. I don’t want to be the link. I don’t want anyone having to depend on me to talk to their people.

And I could be wrong about Tyler Henry, Hollywood Medium, but here’s my take: YES, he is legit. And he is kind. And he is deeply committed to offering an experience of connection between those who are in bodies and those who aren’t anymore. I don’t feel there is one ounce of exploitation in him.
And this is where watching a medium in action differs from being with a medium, and having your own experience of loved ones coming through: when *you* are the one the medium is talking to, when it is *your* loved ones coming through, you should FEEL it! Beyond anything the medium says, you should feel their presence. You don’t get that experience watching someone else (unless you are highly empathic, in which case you feel everything).

And if you are someone who has been deeply impacted by the death of a loved one, if you have been dragged through the dirt by grief and loss, and you haven’t had that experience of connection… if you haven’t felt or received tangible signs from your loved one and for you they *are* gone… then I can completely understand you feeling angry, hurt, incredulous, or skeptical of those who claim they connect. We should all be a little skeptical. It’s too easy to abuse something so intangible. And if you have directly experienced this kind of spiritual abuse, from a fraudulent or unskilled practitioner/psychic/medium/whatever — then I understand not being open to this type of connection being “real” — you were willing to give it a shot, and either nothing happened, or actual emotional/psychological damage occurred. There are not enough words for how sorry I am if this has been your experience. Because it hurt you in your most vulnerable, tender, raw heartspace.

And when that kind of hurt happens, we make sure it won’t happen again. Which is smart, right? Don’t keep touching the burning stove. Don’t keep trying to talk to my dead dad. It hurts too much when he doesn’t answer. And where’s the science behind this anyways? There is none.

I get it, I understand where you’re coming from.

The thing is, they (our loved ones) don’t give up on us. They’ll find little ways in through all the armor and closed doors. Dreams are a big one. They’re good at coming in and really giving us a sense of their presence in dreamtime. They won’t do it too often, because if you’ve decided they’re gone they’ll try to respect that. But every so often they’ll drop in with a wave of love, or a song, or a scent. Just a little reminder. Feeling things out. Knocking at the door, peering through the window, hoping you’ll notice.

Sometimes we want to believe so badly that we are scared to even try. Because if we do try and nothing happens, we are more alone than we can bear. We would rather disbelieve and leave a little bit of mystery than try believing we can connect only to be disappointed. Our minds are really good at talking us out of experiences, too. Trying to rationalize and downplay and discredit what we feel and sense. As though our feelings are somehow less valid than what we perceive with our eyes and ears. I’d argue that our feelings and internal senses are actually MORE accurate- but they don’t do us any good if we don’t trust them.

So this is where I want to answer some questions about the process of connecting. Because it really is something we can all do, and because critics often accuse mediums of asking too many questions, and not offering concrete information… leading people into offering info and then telling them a bunch of feel-good, applies-to-everyone, spiritual “fluff”.

Everyone has their own way of connecting and communicating. If you watch the various TV mediums, they all have their own style/approach. I used to think I *really* sucked as a medium because the ones I had seen seemed to communicate in such different ways than I experienced. But I am primarily clairsentient. That means I *feel* things. I also just get a “knowing” — I’m not hearing words, I’m not having an actual conversation like we do on earth. I’ve had to learn to translate what I feel into words that I can articulate. And since each wave of feeling is encoded with an immense complexity of “information” — it’s not an easy task! It’s taken me years to get to my medium medium status. I also occasionally receive images- this is becoming more frequent and does help make the communication a bit more concrete. The mediums I had seen on TV primarily seemed to be clairvoyant, and would get clear images and symbols tied to specific meanings they had developed over time, or they were clairaudient and could hear the deceased talking.

Tyler the Hollywood Medium’s approach is the most similar to mine. He talks through what he’s feeling and seeing as he connects. It’s not always as definite or clear-cut as other mediums I’ve seen. And I’m actually glad he hasn’t appeared until now, because I didn’t have a “model” to work from as I developed my own way of communicating. I couldn’t compare myself to the mediums I knew, and I had to trust my own process. It’s taken lots of trial and error and continues to be an on-going refinement and learning journey.

So why do we ask questions? Because we aren’t trying to prove our psychic powers and we don’t get all the info upfront. It’s like a scavenger hunt. I’m not talking to someone in a body!! I’m talking to higher vibrational particles of energy of varying capacities to connect to our much denser dimension and also varying levels of consciousness. I get impressions, and I need to clarify with you if the impressions I’m receiving make sense to you. Because your loved one alternates between using things that mean something to ME to communicate something to you, and showing/flowing me things that really only mean something to you. And I don’t always know which is which. And they can’t always tell me.
For me, a mediumship session is not about proving to you that your loved one is here. The people/souls/particles I connect with are infinitely more interested in the experience of connection, in resolving any blocks or barriers to you feeling their love. They don’t care to rehash facts or review in painstaking detail your family tree, family drama, or family heirlooms. There’s a host of them here with me as I write this, and the collective message is “Ain’t nobody got time for that!!! WE WANT TO LOVE YOU!”

Yes, they will try to offer enough info to establish basic identity and confirm who is coming through. But if all you’re interested in is how much “accurate” information can come through about specific situations, people, or things, just so you can cast out any last drop of doubt that this is real, and that it’s really your loved one, this isn’t for you. It’s not why they’re connecting. They’re connecting to connect. Not to convince.

Why else do we ask questions? Because there are often a lot of loved ones who show up! Even if you’re only wanting to connect to one. Even if you’re not close to or even knew the rest. And in trying to establish basic identity, with all these different souls showing up, we have to figure out who has the mic, so to speak. Yes, I ask for one at a time to come through and usually they respect that. But it’s still crowded! And I can’t see much of anything, remember. They’re not wearing nametags and standing in a row with clearly outlined faces. It’s particles of conscious energy beaming feelings my way. And they’ve evolved from their human selves in most cases, so sometimes they show up quite differently than you might remember them! You try figuring out Great Aunt Joan from Cousin Lisa in that dynamic. I can usually glean paternal versus maternal, I can feel how “connected” they were to you in your life, I can feel if it’s a family connection or a friend, biological or non-biological, I usually get a sense of their age at the time of passing, etc. Sometimes I feel how they died, other times they don’t care to discuss it. I’m constantly surprised. Still. After doing this for 5-ish years. I have so much still to learn!

So I ask questions. And when you answer them, we can follow the trail of breadcrumbs together. When you focus on a particular loved one, their energy can come through stronger, so we need to establish who we are connecting to amidst the jumble — it allows them to communicate much more clearly. This is why mediums often ask that you have an item and/or photograph of those you wish to connect with available — it boosts the signal and gives your loved one’s energy something to “anchor” to so that we can have a stronger, clearer line of communication with less interference from other energies. Believe it or not, our loved ones often need help coming through! We have to not only raise our own “frequency” a bit, we also have to help them “ground” into our dimension. I still don’t fully understand the mechanics/energetics of this, but I feel it happening when I connect. I feel the difference between a strong, stable, grounded connection, and a more nebulous and erratic one.

I also ask questions because I don’t know much about you, and they know a lot more than I do. They will show me things or send me impressions that don’t make much sense to me. One time it was prisms hanging everywhere reflecting rainbows, which reminded me of the movie Pollyanna, and that’s what I shared. I didn’t understand what it meant or why I was seeing/sensing that, but it made sense to my clients. And that’s what matters. Sometimes I’ll ask about an image that doesn’t make sense to either of us, but it’ll jog a memory that leads to a new impression that clears up the message coming through. Like I said, it’s a scavenger hunt! Not an exact science. Not by a long shot.

But just because it isn’t exact or concrete or tangible, just because we get stuff “wrong” and don’t always establish a clear connection, it doesn’t mean this isn’t real. That it isn’t worth the attempt, that connection is impossible, that life after death is a myth. Because more often than not, connection happens. And it’s not just a sign or a symbol or a message from a medium, it’s a direct experience of your loved one. It’s their love, alive and present and available for you to feel. A medium can facilitate that experience for you, but a medium is by no means necessary. You just need to open a door, suspend the disbelief, invite them in, and trust what you feel.